My Golden Rules of Homeschool:
Comparison is the thief of JOY! Comparisons keep us from what we could be doing because we are distracted by how we think we measure up to what others are doing. As parents we often feel a lot of pressure to have our kids on "grade level," marching in-step or ahead of other kids and/or their public school peers. To get off to a good start in homeschooling, throw out the public school paradigm, including the "grade level" standards and build a meaningful and successful homeschool by starting where your child is at and just start walking the path of education at your child's pace.
The direction you are moving is more important than where you are at the moment. Be patient and encouraging with your kids, and be OK with going slow. Go at your child’s pace and don’t move on to new concepts until they feel comfortable where they are at. As hard as it is for you, it’s ten times harder for your kids if you are frustrated with their pace. LOVE them!! Comfort them!! Feed their interests outside basic reading, writing, and arithmetic; and don’t wait for those basic skills to develop to teach them science, history, art, technology, and any other appropriate subject areas that peak their interest. Use documentaries, read to them, do projects together, get out the house and learn on the go, learn through experiences, learn skills through doing. For some kids the core reading, writing, and arithmetic (one in particular or all of them) may not be enjoyable, for some they may be so difficult that it is a true struggle, and their progress may be very slow. Stay calm! Progress is more important than speed.
Attitude about struggle is going to make the biggest difference in the road to mastery. If they can meet their challenges with cheerful determination they will have the power to unlock their strengths and come to peace with their struggles. You can show them how to be cheerful and patient in the slow going, how to hold on and be calm, how to be at peace with the process. You show them how by doing it yourself. Telling them to be patient, to believe in themselves, and to be calm will mean very little if you aren't patient, if you don't believe, and if you don't remain calm. However, If you face the challenges with the belief that they will learn and they will progress; if you can be patient and cheerful in your teaching, if you can be OK repeating things over and over as if that’s perfectly normal, then you will give your children the encouragement and support they need to do hard things.
Education is about becoming, it’s the lighting of fire not the filling of a pail. When you build your homeschool, when you make choices about how you will structure your life around your children, and what resources to use to reach your goals for them, always keep in the forefront of your mind and choices those things that matter most. In my home what matters most is developing a relationship with God and our family members, and gaining wisdom from God and learning out of the best books. I strive to always put these things first, and then add those academic skills, subjects, and ideas that are of most value to my core principles and goals. Remember what matters most is what lasts longest!
The more we micro-manage our children, the more of a disservice we do to them in their adult lives. It is possible to have standards, structure and consequences, and still be flexible enough to provide your child the autonomy they need in their education to learn to self-govern. The trick is to apply the least amount of force to get the desired growth. For a child turned off from learning, our force and pressure will NOT make it better. Home education is about family life structure, not individual supervision and control over your child’s education. Create structure but let the child manage the details. The end goal of primary education is to develop a person who can govern themselves and become intelligent self-taught individuals. All true education is self-education.
Make your homeschool developmentally appropriate. Don't start too early on concepts your child’s brain is simply not yet ready for. If you wait for the right developmental stage you will discover that teaching a child reading, writing, and arithmetic will not be as hard or stressful for either of you. (Some exceptions for neurodiverse children, but the principle still applies.) For home instruction to be superior to public school, one must first free their educational philosophies from the cage of public school instruction and build a dynamic developmentally appropriate learning environment for their home. In a developmentally appropriate education the question isn't what curriculum to use, but rather what should I teach when, and how should I teach it? What is most important in Early Ed is not a “rigorous” education but rather an enjoyable one. For young children learning should be fun; an education where creativity is cultivated, and curiosity is not squashed. The environment for learning is more important than the curriculum, and teaching methods more important than resources.
The greatest enemy to success in home education, is fear. Fear that you will fail, fear that your kids won’t learn. Kids can feel your fear and they will soak it into their bones… it is utterly toxic! It's fear that makes us impatient and frustrated with the process. I know how hard this is. I have fought the fear dragon for many years. I know that you are dealing not only with academic demands, but personality, aptitude, personal interest, and character development, and some children are going to struggle more than others. Some children will be more contrary and irascible, more despairing, less pliable, or less teachable. Hang in there! For love of them, and in the faith that people grow up and mature, continue setting your quiet yet powerful example, and be there to pick up the work again and again. Listen to me, a mom of grown-up homeschooled kids, they will learn it, they will progress, they will not fail and you will not fail them so long as you don’t give up and you stay calm and carry on.
